18-year-old daughter finds out mom spent $30,000 fund that was legally hers, she refuses to attend Christmas with mom in response: ‘She has a wide history of impulse spending’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Dec 21, 2025 6:00 PM EST

Before having kids, some people try to calculate roughly how much money they would be spending on their child monthly. As you might guess, children are an expensive business, which can lead some to the realization they can't really afford to have them. 

Those who do decide to have kids will probably be happy with any financial help they can get.

The daughter in the story below lives in Alaska, where the state provides every citizen with a yearly payout. The 18-year-old calculated how much money she should have gotten from the state, and it amounted to around $30,000. When the daughter asked her mom about that money, the mom revealed that she had spent most of the money, but refused to tell her daughter what she had spent it on. Safe to say, the daughter was not happy to hear that the fund that was legally hers is all gone.

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  • The thing is, if the mom spent that money on expenses related to raising her child, she had every right to do so. It could have been nice to start your life with $30k, but mom did not owe that to her daughter.

    Is the daughter right in refusing to attend Christmas with her mom because of this dispute? 

  • Cheezburger Image 10589037824
    via Ziga Plahutar

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA and refusing to attend Christmas with my parent after she mismanaged $30,000 that was legally mine by 18 down to $534?

    I'll give some context. I, (18F) live in Alaska. Up here, we have yearly payouts that are called PFDs.
    via Puzzled-Idea8462
  • These are just some of the profits from the oil companies giving money back to the residents, essentially.
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  • After turning 18, I wondered what every happened to my PFD money and started asking questions.
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  • Questions, I asked, knowing that it would be (without increases from investments) about $30,000 by itself from age 1 to now.
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  • I had asked my parent about this situation and asked what my money had been used for.
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  • She stated that it was used for "Medical bills and stuff", but here is the thing.
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  • I was double covered insurance wise and basically never had any left over bills which has been stated by her.
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  • She then said that indeed, the bills she mentioned was bills that weren't mine but she would "never use the money on stuff that didn't involve me".
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  • She then went to my other parents and accused them of getting me on this topic like they were trying to turn me against her or something.
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  • Which I can say-is not the case at all. was just simply curious where the funds went, as it would be nice start for me being a new adult.
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  • She said money has always been tough for her and she had to use some of it for expenses but in the divorce decree from my parents it states she must replenish any funds used from my PFD payments.
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  • So, regardless, it shouldn't be completely gone. This post could be much longer, as our further conversation didn't end well.
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  • But I will end it here and I can answer more in the thread. But- AITA?
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  • Cheezburger Image 10589037568
    via 89Stocker

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • EDIT- (I also know my original post isn't that great info wise as there is more needed, more info I have inded provided within the comments.) I realize I left out some information and will make a TLDR about what the issue is.
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  • It's not that I feel entitled to the money it is that legally she was supposed to do things with it that she didn't on top of then lying directly to me and others about the situation and not taking accountability.
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  • She states it was used towards me specifically but this comes from a person with a wide history of impulse spending and a $20K collection of funko pops.
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  • So with that it is harder to believe and just feels as though I am being directly lied to.
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  • Squirrel179 PFD funds, like child support payments, are given to the parent to use at their discretion for the benefit of the child. Did you live with your parent? Did they pay the bills so that you had the things you needed? Were they off taking lavish vacations while leaving you home? Did they buy themselves designer clothing while you never had weather appropriate clothes? As long as your parent was spending their money in a reasonable way to keep you safe and healthy, and gave you decent chi
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  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 As I stated in a few comments now. It is partially my fault for the confusion. The main issue is that I am 99% sure she did not just use the funds for 'child care" and that she is legit just lying directly to me. This belief has been upheld by evidence from my other parents. The problem here is her not following court orders and then not even taking acountability. She instead made me the villain instead of actually admitting that she used it for other means. Which is all that
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  • Quick-Ad-1694 My family lived in alaska for a year before my parents split up. That dividend isnt like an inheritance thats given to you when you turn 18. Your parents are more than welcome to spend the money as they see fit as long as your taken care of. If you grew up well cared for then get over it. You got your 30k in the form of a devent childhood and good memories.
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  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 Never said it was expected to be an inheritance per se. The issue is the court orders. She turned down financial support from family and she has a bad history of impulsive spending. All I really wanted was accountability in some way yet she seemingly lied to my face.
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  • Blackandred13 I'm pretty confused why you think your parent was supposed to save a government tax credit for you for 18 years and not for your care? What does the divorce decree say exactly? Maybe it was in lieu of child support that she would just get the full amount?
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  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 The main issue is I don't fully believe it was used all on "my care" I left that part out on accident. But given her money management history and impulsive spending. I highly doubt she did. As for why I think she would and was supposed to save it was because the divcorce decree states exactly that the person (parent) who spends funds from the PFD shall replenish the used funds and keep record of the usage. Both of which she did not do.
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  • jyl11002 I mean... $30k to raise a child is pretty much the minimum. I don't understand why/how a parent (if she's the one who raised you for the majority of the time) would spend less on a child. Have you taken any classes like swim class? art class? music lessons? I've paid about 3000 for my daughter's swim class over the past year. If I extrapolate at a similar cost per month, for 1 activity from age 8 to 18 (for simplicity sake) 30000 right there. Plus food, housing, utilities, etc. I don't
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  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 I'm aware that raising a child isn't cheap. But in terms of extras like classes and such, they were covered by my schooling. Most medical stuff? Covered. She was also not the one who raised me for the majority as it was split with more time being spent away. from here. Those times of which she still claimed my PFD and used it on who knows what when I know for certain she makes enough with her partner to be able to actually follow the court order. But alas, she hasn't, So idk.
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  • blackcherrytomato NAH because you were given a poor explanation. I'm guessing groceries in Alaska aren't that much cheaper than in Canadian territories. My understanding is it's fairly common to be given money when living in Northern communities to help subsidize some of the difference of the HCOL it doesn't come close to making up for that. You did deserve a better explanation than what you were given, plus I think you should have been taught earlier on that the money wasn't being saved me up f
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  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 Well true. However there were a couple other people in our life who offered to support her and she turned it down out of pride when struggling. Plus to the court order via the divorce. The funds were supposede to be replenished after use anyway.
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  • Hips-Often-Lie Make sure that you put in your own paperwork so that your mother doesn't get your dividend this year.
    via Hips-Often-Lie
  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 It's definitely on my to-do list this year.
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  • Michelle-Ma-Belle_ YTA I say this as someone whose mom swindled them out of almost everything... You can make more money but you only get so many holidays with your family. Regardless of the divorce decree, it's wrong to feel so entitled to this money when ultimately she was raising you. This issue should stay between your parents. Go out and make your own way.
    via Michelle-Ma-Belle_
  • OP Puzzled-Idea8462 The issue isn't about feeling "entitled" to the money. It's about the accountability she refuses to take and the part of her lying to not only me but a few others in my life about the situation. The main issue is some medical things I need done that if the money was actually done with what it should've legally. I would be able to cover with even just a chunk of the money. That being said I get your point to an extent.
    via Puzzled-Idea8462

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christmas family drama aita kids mother trust fund parenting family money women holidays parents children young adult
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